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August 5, 2010

I love warning signs.

Is that weird?

Okay, yeah, I realize it’s a little strange but have you ever looked at them before?  I mean really looked at them?  Those things are ca-razy!  The people who dream those little danger stickers up really have sadistic minds, I tell you.  For example, let’s pretend that an electric company wants a picture that will covey the idea that you should stay away from an electrical box because it has enough voltage to zap you into Timbuktu.  (Is Timbuktu a real place?  Anyways…)  This is what the Warning Sign People come up with:

For a moment, ignore the whole “shock, burn or death” thing and just look at the illustration.  Look at the detail the Danger Sign People (from here on out, called “DSP”) decided to include when they drew Do Everything Wrong Guy (“DEWG”).  His eyes are inhumanly wide with…um…shock and his mouth is screaming a silent anguished scream.  And who on the DSP team thought that giving the electricity ball an angry face was a good idea?  Honestly though, I bet Wes Craven could make a pretty good movie out of that idea.

Here’s another one, found on the side of a five-gallon bucket:

Look at that adorable little toddler!  With his cute little curls and his fuzzy feetie pajamas.  All he’s trying to do is innocently get his binkie back when he drops it…I can just see mothers all over the country waking up screaming with nightmares from this picture.  As if there isn’t enough to worry about as a new mother, let’s add five-gallon buckets to the list.  Come on, DSP!  Don’t you have something better to do than strike fear into the hearts of parents across the nation?  Okay, I do understand that this is a plausible danger, but isn’t a simple “Dangerous to small children” sign sufficient?

How about this one, found by a hot tub:

Everyone has been cautioned about diving into the shallow end of a pool, right?  But it does have serious consequences, so I understand why all pools have “No Diving” signs.  However, apparently this is not sufficient at a hot tub.  The DSP decided that they needed to really covey the fact that you shouldn’t dive in a hot tub.  So,  they drew DEWG in this very situation.  And poor DEWG doesn’t fare well.  Obviously the DSP don’t have a lot of faith in their viewers, because despite the fact that there’s a large red slash through the picture of DEWG diving, they decided to also add angry red arrows pointing at his neck.  But was it really necessary to add that pool of red under his head?  I think that that’s going a bit too far, DSP.

For one final warning sign, let’s follow DEWG to the farm.  You don’t have to be a farm girl to know that there are many dangers on the farm, the least not being machinery with a lot of rotating parts.  I would be lying if I said getting a body part caught in some sort of equipment wasn’t one of my constant fears, but the DSP don’t want just mere fear to keep you on the straight and narrow when dealing with farm machinery.  They want you to be downright terrified.   

I do have to say…DEWG is quite flexible.  He must be doing yoga.  And I dig the cowboy boots.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Bob permalink
    September 26, 2010 11:03 pm

    Baby-in-bucket warning.
    Time 00:20-00:50 on this vlog reminded me of this.

  2. farmgirlsworld permalink*
    September 27, 2010 9:04 pm

    Ha! That is too funny. Only Wal-Mart would put a bunch of hazardous buckets in the middle of the toy aisle!

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